Dysphoria, Euphoria, Tomboy Lifestyle, Androgyny, and Working Out BEFORE The New Year!

In the interest of Halloween and Dia del los Muertos Fall Season 2025, the somewhat taboo topics of death, ancestors, and rituals arise. 

We have all heard of "The Stages of Grief." Well... I would like to introduce the tomboy stages of change. It may look like this Stage 1. The Crash Out, Stage 2. The Last Straw, Stage 3. The Struggle, and Stage 4. The Results. 

Most of us are so afraid of the Stage 3 Struggle that we all together skip it and find ourselves in a cycle of crash outs and feeling sick of it. 

Want some definitions? Have you ever watched something, or heard something, been first or second hand misgendered, and been unable to smoothly cope? This is the CRASH OUT. After that comes the last straw, and if you are lucky you at least begin the struggle. Best case scenario, you get results. 

The Crash Out

I like to refer to it as "getting sirred." I am often called sir, young man, son." Even the other day, I met one of my younger visiting cousins for the very first time, and at age 5, he wanted to know "are you a boy?" To which I calmly replied "Nope." Then he responded, "oh, so you're a girl then." I said, "yep." I definitely saw that one coming. 

I say it a lot. I know how I look. I understand the confusion. But I am not a guy and I don't feel like a guy and I don't want to be one, but I suppose I don't want to look like a feminine lady. I like the way I look. 

Usually. But not long ago, I listened to a couple of my fave masc lesbian content creator's videos near pride month 2025, and the episode talked about some negative experiences they have had in public restrooms with some rude and harassing females. Of course watching those videos, I usually avoid that type of stuff, but I spiraled for sure!

Not just that video (which was a very good video, I am not knocking it), but multiple other content came up during summer of 2025. 

At some point I found myself receiving birthday invites and wedding invites to events of friends. As much as I wanted to meet up with them, I had actually ended up skipping some plans due to not feeling as if I had the attire I preferred. This is what I refer to as THE LAST STRAW.

The Last Straw

Maybe there had been some lost sleep during the crash out, some anxiety, some avoidance, some tears, and a ton of discomfort. But after a while I started to think about what is within my own control. This was likely near my birthday. 

Birthdays are a time of reflection for me. Almost more like NYE than the Gregorian calendar NYE. I also pay attention to Yom Kippur. The Jewish Day of Atonement and Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. I like NEW! 

I remember the reflections near my birthday centered around a lot of loss. 

Lost time.

Lost friendships.

Lost freedom.

But there was also a lot of gain, a gain of weight! 

I have been on the journey of inquiring about healthy lifestyle changes since June of 2022 when I first began making doctor's appointments when I moved back to LA. I got injured December of 2023. Which is also when I began engaging in a fitness, health, and nutrition program through my insurance; I got off that waitlist, began attending weekly Zooms, That was the first time that for 50 weeks straight I logged my progress of 150 minutes of activity weekly and entering my weight. (I'll talk about the results at the end).  

I would say 8/2/25-8/3/25 HARD SUMMER 2025 rave kicked off my last straw plans. Near my birthday, I began a 38 day count on 8/6/25 of Matthew Davies winnersonlyfitness.com free book on 38 Laws to Fitness. 

AND THUS BEGAN THE STRUGGLE! 

The Struggle

And dang was it a struggle!!! I had intended to post daily readings of just only 1-2 easy reading pages about fitness, talk about my own current lifestyle choices, and what I had learned. This was whether or not I had planned to even implement any of the new knowledge. All I had planned to do was read, learn, do a basic workout and reach 400 mins weekly of workouts. 

Any time I set out on a challenge, I can tell where I fall short and how I fall short once I track and post or journal about it. I have to reflect each day to be able to really track where things fall short. The when, how, why, and all the tiny details that go from the plan and intention, to either going (A+ level) above and beyond, (B-C average level) of meeting the basic requirements, or (C- and below level) not following through fully or (Failing) avoiding it all together. 

I keep bringing it up because it is the truth. From August 2023- November 2024 I had terrible health complications which did not fully end November 2024, but they got more manageable then through September 2025. 

In addition to a back injury I am still nursing, this happened just before Christmas 2023 and even as late as May 2024 I was still attending services from a chiropractor. 

This was the first time I can ever remember having full physical issues ongoing that impacted my mobility for this long. It took long to navigate, and I definitely could tell I was going in the wrong direction for my goals as far as work, finances, career, health, fitness and my social life. It was hard to work, therefore hard to earn and also hard to be able to do stuff.

At some point I began a more reflective process. I wanted to figure out what the heck was going on. So I began the process of developing awareness and insight.

The first day was the day after Yom Kippur. Some reason after some reflective time with ending past workouts and all these Jewish Holidays and study, I came to the conclusion that potentially fitness has a spiritual aspect which I might have overlooked. 

So instead of just tracking and entered into an app, I laid out an entire journal for 75 HARD. I listed the original 75 HARD start date, the original rules, my modified rules on the page opposite the binding so I could see them both side by side. And I would think on this for about 10 days while I was completing the Shotokan Challenge. 

Once I further reflected on how the Jewish year of 5785 had gone, before coming into 5786, and after I had completed my 41st year of life and on to my 42nd, and after I had noticed I began this health journey in Summer of 2023 and it was now Fall of 2025, and after I had realized even since August of 2025 with the "amped up" process nearly each month and without results, and the start of a new program where 9 days in I was considering quitting, I knew- yes, I have a problem. Or potentially multiple problems.

How was I over 1 year in to putting in work, having logged proof of details from supplements, and caffeine to food, and weight, and types of exercises, what was I doing wrong?

2 things have become obvious.

1) I am online a lot more than ever in my life.

2) While I workout and exercise, I am often going through the motions and not always pushing harder or focused on the intensity or explosiveness of the workouts. 

Counting things like stretching or house chores might be good for balance and maintenance, but it is not good for weight loss or muscle gain.

And THEN The Results

From December 2023- November 2024: I was able to track, I was able to go through the motions, I learned a lot, but as far as the 5% weight loss goal, I did not reach this goal. I did successfully submit tracked records for 50 straight weeks.

November 2024- October 2025: We have now barely crossed the second 50 weeks. November 1, 2025 begins the 50th week of my second round. 

But it was near August 2025 that I began evaluating. At that point, I had been working out logging at least 150 weeks of activity per week. I was not tracking food as often. I did not yet have my measurements for my body details. 

HARD SUMMER 2025 got my mindset a jump start. Something about a weekend rave that just cheers me up. 

8/6/25-9/14/25 I began reading the Matthew Davies "38 Laws of Fitness" on winnersonlyfitness.com. I had my measurements, and for the first time attempted tracking foods, then ended up just taking meal photos. 

9/15/25-10/15/25 I began a nearly 30 day Shotokan Karate Challenge. I learned a lot. 

10/3/25-10/15/25 I began a modified version of 75 HARD. During which I gave myself until completing the Shotokan challenge and I mentioned to re-assess in 10 days, yet according to my journal entries, I almost quit on Day 9!

Week 1: Started 10/3/25

Week 2: Started 10/10/25

Week 3: Started 10/17/24

Week 4: Started 10/24/25.

Each week begins on a Friday and the logs go from Friday 2pm and continue until the following Friday 1:59pm. Anything completed before Friday 2pm is logged for that previous week. 

Week 1: lost 2.6lbs (since starting 75 HARD)

Week 2: no losses, skipped days due to Sx)

Week 3: lost 2.9lbs (since start)

And?

So what happens next?

I might try adding some variety. Ankle weights at times. Backpack with added weights at times. Moving past White belt Shotokan lessons (ungraded White) and into 9th Kyu (Kukyu). Orange belt according to the reference book, but many courses have 9th Kyu at Yellow belt. This weekend I am practicing the 9th Kyu grading. 

Next for Shotokan I will Heian Shodan Kata, Gohon kumite, and continue working on kicks (mae geri, yoko keage, and yoko kekomi). 

About Straight Homophobic Friends (is LGBT+ queer representation infringing on straight privilege?)

About Straight Homophobic Friends 

(is LGBT+ queer representation infringing on straight privilege?)

Check out the podcast episode: EPISODE LINK HERE 

https://open.spotify.com/episode/08RmTHXWdrTJi9Qwi8MQYG?si=lBgGDAfSR-2A7ky862nHNw

BACKGROUND IDEAS PASTED FROM POD SHOW NOTES (NEW BLOG IDEAS ARE WRITTEN AFTERWARDS) 

(there will be typos as I write in a stream of consciousness form and I avoid editing because it leads me to censor my ideas and second guess myself). Venting About Straight Homophobic Friends (is LGBT+ queer representation infringing on straight privilege?)

I’ve referenced this Queer Collective podcast episode #128 from YouTube (before watching it) ⁠https://youtu.be/Ea5aKc9c_VY?si=E07g6cKKWbEgrDNF⁠ so I’m hoping it’s relevant based on only seeing their intro thus far. But I want to talk about some of the conversations I’ve been in with straight friends. 99% of my straight friends are allies and are amazing, maybe they don’t know everything BUT WHO DOES! I’m not talking about those people. I’m talking about the people who consider themselves friends but don’t think that LGBT people should have rights equal to their own straight rights. That queer people should not be able to do or say or act similarly to how straight people act (ex. PDAs, song lyrics, casts of shows and movies, reading materials, multi media, dress-codes, and more). These straights don’t necessarily state that they are prejudice, or homophobic, and are not willing to see different perspectives. They tend to land on trying to quote texts of religions, religions that they themselves do not even follow, from books that they don’t follow any other teachings. And even don’t follow the teachings within the same page of texts that they quote. I call this hypocritical. But overall the bigger issue is the flaw of the human mind. We ALL experience discomfort with challenging our own views. Which is why I invalidate these straight opinions. I can see that they speak from their own experiences. But also if they are the majority with more privilege, the weight of their rules and preferences gain more distance than that of a gay minority. These are the bigger psychological and political issues. 

NEW BLOG IDEAS

Let's start at the end and break these ideas down: 

"But overall the bigger issue is the flaw of the human mind. We ALL experience discomfort with challenging our own views." 

I used to sit around with friends having drinks, and some of those friends were interested in discussing fun topics about conspiracy theories, the mysteries of the universe, and all types of esoteric topics. But after time those few of us realized that when we would ask most other friends about what they thought about some theories on alien abduction or the Egyptian pyramids, they would often respond "I don't know." Or if I would offer to some friends to introspective self help books that I found helpful they would state "it stresses me out."

While some of us leaned in to the stress of cognitive dissonance, others never wanted to even try and challenge themselves or to entertain other theories. 

This gets hard for me to understand. Why people won't lean into the discomfort. Why some won't challenge what they were initially taught.

"Which is why I invalidate these straight opinions." I can see that they speak from their own experiences. But also if they are the majority with more privilege, the weight of their rules and preferences gain more distance than that of a gay minority. These are the bigger psychological and political issues."

When I talk to straights. I hear their experiences. And while they may be valid for them, they are a majority with more say and power in legal systems. 

They tend to be uncomfortable (some of them) for their own reasons. Not always religious or cultural prejudices, but possibly some other issues related to shame or values they were taught. 

But does this give them the right to dictate what queer people are allowed to have access to as far as equality in education, public behaviors, or access to health care?

I understand that they may not believe or value queer culture, but they don't need to advocate for inequality. That is where I feel the issues are. They can believe and think how they please, but promoting inequality is wrong.

Examples:

They believe their children in schools can read books about family units, gender roles, and gender expression BUT they believe children of queer parents should have to hide educational information about queer family units, queer gender roles and queer gender expression.

They believe they should have access to healthcare services "my body....." BUT they don't believe queer people should have access to healthcare. If I want a breast reduction for back pain NO ISSUE! But if I want it due to gender dysphoria I need to enroll in therapy, get a recommendation, get approval... there is gatekeeping of treatment which is not equal even if someone wants the same services.

If I want testosterone for body building a female, it is easier to get access to than if I want testosterone due to trans identify as a AFAB person. This is also not equal.

Many jobs can fire employees based on dress codes. 

There are not equal harassment laws for queer people in many states.

There are many states where PDAs by queer couples are considered an legal offense.

Remember when they were banning drag shows? They tried to state that no drag performance can be allowed within a certain distance from any specific types of buildings such as schools, churches, and certain other types of companies. BUT there is not a similar rule for strip clubs. 

On television almost every show and movie has sex scenes. Currently I am watch 1 episode a week of the Prime show "We Were Liars." In the episode we viewed last week, one female was standing against the wall while getting oral sex from a guy. These actors in the show are portrayed to be students about to begin in college. So their characters are possibly 18 or 17 years of age. BUT we are not allowed to have queer shows that have such scenes.

These types of straights do not realize that they are choosing their comfort over the rights and health of their of queer friends and family. All they can see is that they themselves are more exposed to queer culture that they have never had to see, think about or recognize. 

Meanwhile, queer people are struggling with more losses of jobs, having healthcare services messed up, more mental health issues, less supportive resources...

We all experienced the economic pain of the pandemic. It forced people to move to places and stay indoors with people who they never wanted to see. But now, queer people are still impacted, with less work opportunities, and less support, leading to increased physical and mental health issues. This impacts all of society. Any time one part of society is oppressed, it comes out in ways where the entire society is impacted. Problems do not go away. They just resurface and impact in other ways. For people who claim they want a better society, they need to stop contributing to the oppression of minority groups. Regardless of what their churches and scriptures and parents tell them OPPRESSION IS WRONG AND IT WILL ALWAYS BE WRONG, IT INFECTS A SOCIETY LIKE A VIRUS. 

 Approaching Political Differences (managing and repairing relationships as a queer person)

Here are 4 things I have learned so far:

So far I have come to the conclusion that it can be complex enough on the inside f my own brain to try and just basically maintain, focus, and reach goals and continue toward where I would like to be. Therefore, drowning out the noise has served me well!

1.        American News Media Preys on Emotions

Video: 

 POD: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4Qza6DSH02fOdYJmj8wRKG?si=SfPhGYYaTLWNUvL9tAaESw

Many years ago there was an earthquake followed by a tsunami off the coast of Japan. I was shocked by watching Japanese newscasts at the homes of local friends who were from Japan. The calm voices, the relaxed pace of speech, yes, there was tragedy and fear, but the Japanese media was not covering the stories as American media was.

Flipping over to American news I noticed all the hype! Same stories, same ideas, yet a different approach. It was no longer calm. The terminology was even strategically chosen to affect cortisol levels and create emotional fears.

I had to ask myself: Do I want my emotions preyed upon? Often it is easy to become sucked into an environment online where it is negatively impacting yet also the excitement can be addictive and enticing in comparison to boredom or sitting with one’s own thoughts.

2.        Government Prefers Us to be Ill

How can you even tell if you are impacted negatively? Well, are you feeling it in your body? In your mind? Do you experience fatigue or stress or worry afterwards?

3.        News Sites Are Inaccurate

I decided to test my theory. I slowed down. I looked on with amazement on the headlines. I searched and attempted further research on headlines. To my surprise, most stories I could not find direct newspaper or articles. I COME FROM A BACKGROUND OF RESEARCH. I have written research papers, I write and write and write often, and for fun! So when I have difficulty finding information, I become incredibly skeptical.

4.        Even While Avoiding/ Ignoring Headlines, I will still be informed by others

It does not matter how much you try to avoid current events, someone will always keep you informed. You will see it anywhere.

Mental Health Frequency: Categories of Balance

Mental health frequency often requires a view into categories of balance.

(Check out Aina Brei'Yon's Link and YouTube channel HERE)

And how to analyze balance? On an average day the natural energy of a person may ebb and flow. The key is maintenance of energy so that the dips can be quickly recovered and the highs are productive including recovery activities.

Can you think of the last time you felt stress, distressed, uncomfortable or some type of specific mood or physical strain? (Think of irritability, anger, sadness, worry, physical pain that can be sharp, tension, pulsing/pounding in the body).

Here we are looking in areas such as cycles/ patterns, fear/ anxiety, and how changed frequencies impact who we come close to, who we pull away from and how we are thus socially impacted. 

In this article, we will explore the concept of emotional energy frequencies, their impact on our lives, and ways to harness positive emotional energy.

Mental Health Frequency is Impacted by Familiarity in Cycles

Patterns in life, choices often repeated, they relate to a current frequency. They can also initiate a frequency. A lot of times we may choose repetitive methods of doing things.

When the outcome or process is pleasant we will rarely complain. But when we start to realize a poor result, it can be possible to recognize the pattern and change, but sometimes that can prove difficult.

Do you know and recognize unhelpful or helpful patterns in your routines? An unhelpful pattern is a behavior, thought or condition that results in more distress.

Helpful patterns generally result in improved mood and daily functioning.

Mental health patterns are essential for individuals to maintain their well-being. By recognizing patterns in one's mental health, individuals can take proactive measures to address any negative changes in their mood, thoughts, or behaviors. 

Mental health energy frequency and such relevant categories rely on understanding mental health patterns, which can also help individuals identify triggers that may worsen their mental health and implement coping mechanisms to mitigate these triggers. 

Mental health patterns vary among individuals, and it is essential to seek professional help if one experiences persistent negative patterns or changes in their mental health. By prioritizing mental health and recognizing patterns, individuals can lead a fulfilling and healthy life.

Operating from Frequency of Fear and Impacts on Mental Health

Fear is another example of the ego changing mental health frequency. We naturally have defense mechanisms for both our physical bodies and our emotional health.

We can see how hesitation can protect us if forward motion would be dangerous. If while driving the road becomes bumpy with large potholes and rocks, we know to slow down and take a closer look.

Sometimes that fear is going to save us from harm. But other times the fear is based on a perception. If I avoid applying for a job due to fear of rejection, I may never get a job other than by luck.

Fear can have a significant psychological impact on individuals. When faced with a fearful situation, the body responds by releasing stress hormones, which can cause physical symptoms like increased heart rate, sweating, and shallow breathing. 

Mental health energy frequency and categories related to fear can be either formally diagnosed conditions or informally diagnosed sets of symptoms. Over time, chronic fear can lead to negative psychological effects like anxiety, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). 

Fear can also affect an individual's ability to make rational decisions and engage in social interactions. 

Therefore, it's important to address fear and its impact on mental health. Seeking therapy, practicing relaxation techniques, and engaging in activities that promote self-care can help individuals manage their fears and improve their mental health.

Attracting through Similar Frequency (Shifting Mental Health)

Mental health energy frequency includes the category of “attraction.” With the concept of attraction, people of similar frequencies may attract similar energies.

Some people may notice a shift in their mood or mental health when they are interacting based on an attraction.

Not all attractions are going to result in positives. In some attractions, one person gives more and the other takes more. These frequencies may be opposites.

Frequency and Connection (Social and Mental Health)

Usually people who remain in touch are in a connection.

Social connections can impact mental health and frequency.

It is common to interact within different groups of friends and social circles at different life stages and dependent upon goals. moving, types or work or areas of residence.

Social connections are essential for maintaining good mental health. Mental health energy frequency and the category of social connections involves research revealing that individuals who have strong social support systems are more resilient to stress and have a lower risk of developing mental health issues like depression and anxiety. 

Social connections also provide individuals with a sense of belonging, which can boost self-esteem and confidence. 

Engaging in social activities and building positive relationships with others can improve an individual's overall well-being. 

However, it's important to note that social connections should be genuine and meaningful, rather than just surface-level interactions. Building and maintaining strong social connections takes time and effort, but the benefits are invaluable for mental health.

Summary

Emotions are an integral part of our lives and affect our behavior, thoughts, and overall well-being. Emotional energy frequencies are the vibrational frequencies that correspond to different emotions. 

These frequencies are believed to influence our thoughts and behavior, which, in turn, can affect our physical and mental health. 

Understanding Emotional Energy Frequencies

Emotional energy frequencies are based on the idea that everything in the universe vibrates at different frequencies. Each emotion has its unique vibrational frequency that can be measured through scientific methods. 

Mental health energy frequency and such relevant categories include examples of emotions like joy, love, and gratitude vibrate at higher frequencies, while emotions like anger, fear, and sadness vibrate at lower frequencies.

According to the Law of Attraction, like attracts like, which means that the emotions we feel and the thoughts we have attract similar energies into our lives. Therefore, if we vibrate at higher frequencies, we attract positive experiences, whereas if we vibrate at lower frequencies, we attract negative experiences.

The Impact of Emotional Energy Frequencies on Our Lives

Our emotional energy frequencies have a significant impact on our lives. Emotions like love, joy, and gratitude are associated with positive outcomes like improved physical health, better relationships, and increased happiness. In contrast, emotions like anger, fear, and sadness can lead to negative outcomes like stress, anxiety, and depression.

Studies have shown that negative emotions can also weaken our immune system and increase our risk of developing chronic diseases like heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. On the other hand, positive emotions like gratitude have been found to boost the immune system and improve overall health.

Harnessing Positive Emotional Energy Frequencies

Fortunately, we can harness positive emotional energy frequencies by cultivating positive emotions and thoughts. Here are some ways to do so:

Practice Gratitude

Gratitude is one of the most potent emotional energy frequencies. When we focus on what we are grateful for, we raise our vibrational frequency and attract more positive experiences into our lives. To cultivate gratitude, take some time each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for, whether it be your health, relationships, or career. You can also write a gratitude journal, where you jot down things you are grateful for every day.

Engage in Activities That Bring You Joy

Engaging in activities that bring us joy and pleasure is another way to raise our vibrational frequency. Whether it be listening to music, practicing a hobby, or spending time with loved ones, these activities can help us feel more positive emotions and attract more positive experiences into our lives.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of being present and fully engaged in the moment. By focusing on the present moment, we can reduce stress and anxiety, and increase feelings of joy and contentment. To practice mindfulness, take some time each day to sit in silence, focus on your breath, and observe your thoughts without judgment.

Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is the practice of treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, just as we would treat a good friend. By practicing self-compassion, we can reduce negative self-talk and increase feelings of self-worth and positivity. To practice self-compassion, try to speak to yourself as you would speak to a good friend, and focus on your strengths and positive qualities.

Surround Yourself with Positive People

The people we surround ourselves with can have a significant impact on our emotional energy frequencies. Surrounding ourselves with positive, supportive people can help us feel more positive emotions and attract more positive experiences into our lives. On the other hand, spending time with negative, toxic people can lower our vibrational frequency and lead to negative experiences.

NOTE: Through the last few days (Days 18-21; April 1-4) I have remained ill and thus unable to record podcast episodes.

I am hoping this is at least interesting. I did not want to go backwards or record a long episode.

Socials

Aina Brei'Yon's Website

You can find her youtube, merch, music and courses.

Tomboy Official Podcast

SPOTIFY

APPLE PODCASTS

ANCHOR

Any interest in working in an LGBTQ+ tech job? (Or even obtaining tech work and adding potential representation of the LGBTQ+ community as an employee at a tech job? Consider affordable training HERE! (Note: This is an affiliate link https://account.coursecareers.com/ref/29926/ and I receive a compensation for any registrations made through my link). 

Interested in breaking into the tech field through CourseCareers training? Here is a code for $50 off!

DISCOUNT CODE: IGZDVLGJSK

A Gay Night In

 How gay can I make this blog post??

I saw some inspiration in Jess (@jkiillem) today. As well as Alexa (@alexa.the.legend). Jess experiencing flashbacks today while prepping for the final bag before the holiday break. Alexa recalling her experiences working as a photographer this year. Jess has been a masc presenting gogo dancer for some time now. And Alexa has jumped into the field, also working as a model and a pro football player and content creator. Affording to live in LA is not cheap.

Thinking about the Flipped party at Richs I will be missing tonight! I get complete foamo with the queer party scene I am missing out on. At least I will get a nice NYE party. 

[One section of some slight negativity compiled to one area with some solutions added in ] How does music help and heat? Well, I found myself writing about physical pain, emotional pain, mental pain. I could not stop complaining today. I skipped a workout 2 days ago. I had done a lot of cleaning yesterday when the physical pain was beginning. I have been avoiding the saunas and jacuzzis in the gym to try and avoid getting illnesses since virus symptoms are spreading. I take hot showers for back and shoulder pain. But overall I needed good vibes and music. I knew I felt like crap so I was remaining quite isolated from spending holiday time with my siblings as they watched Harry Potter. I enjoy the experience of music under the influence of some thc, some I concocted a thc and hemp seed oil mix, snacked after some blogging, and had to keep copy/pasting and removing the negative things I had to say. So I decided to compile that entire experience here and then move on!

Listening to some Dani Max tunes and getting in that energy. “On Tequila” is such a great song, fire beats!

After reviewing some Just bought tix to CRSSD Spring. I figure if I cannot party now I might as well pre-plan some party time. Music live is certainly a spiritual experience to look forward to. At least CRSSD events don’t price gouge. No $80 service fees!

I put in my headphones and danced around with some candles and my funky colored low lights. I had a party instead of sitting around thinking about whatever it even was that had been getting to me. I have learned from following so many powwow dancer social media sites that dancing and singing is definitely healing. So I try to remember to do it when I feel bad. It takes my mind off of things by providing a better perspective.

Singlehood and Gender

Singlehood and Culture

Singlehood is a stage that many cultures address in their own specific manners. In Western American culture people generally begin a process of dating near age 14-18. Usually there is a process where a teen is developing independence and being allowed added freedoms by guardians upon proving that they can adhere to expectations and handle the allowed freedoms. Sexuality, gender identity and exposure of cultural environment and media representation often shape the levels of comfort and opportunity of dating.

Singlehood and Gender and LGBTQ+

Those across cultures who identify as queer, lesbian, gay, pan, bi, intersex, trans, etc., our experiences can differ from the mainstream. There is often very limited representation, and for people who are isolated the may not see, hear, interact or learn of anyone like them outside of social media. YouTubers like Breanne Williamson have a queer dating series. In the episodes I have viewed from her series, she was attempting to setup a cute TikTok creator on dates. They discussed what they were looking for, preferences, and deal breakers SEE HERE https://youtu.be/ug1-HQF1m_E.

Singlehood and Gender Identity

Gender identity while single, depending on the options surrounding a person it can be fun, safe, affirming, and comfortable. We are often shown series where there are very rarely any gender identity or expression variations. On occasion we see a masc presenting female, or a "flamboyant" male and they are usually either closeted gays or questioning. Almost always in media they get ridiculed in society by those within their subcultures. And those in teen age ranges are seen in media as getting kicked out or misunderstood by family. I have yet to see an any representation in series for people in older age ranges in their 30s or later life in their 60s nearing retirement. Usually the people in their 20s and 30s are on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube and other social media platforms. They create their own series such as the series QUEERIOUS including QPOC actors with one trans character https://youtu.be/8yD4_abneac. The series is by Alexander King, a QPOC writer.

Singlehood and LGBTQ+ Identity

LGBT singles might experience pressure from the non-queer people in their lives by being asked multiple questions about dating and partners. And in the queer world there may be a pressure to date. Depending on the social environments a queer person may have a relaxed and enjoyable dating experience with support around and people with good boundaries.

My Personal Experiences

My personal experiences dating as a person with a range of androgynous-to-masc gender presentation, I have primarily experienced good, healthy, strong, safe, trustworthy relationships in San Diego. I also am able to venture up to LA where I was raised. But being raised around and within a conservative religion, and in a city with a lot of diversity, I was exposed to all different types of people and was able to challenge a lot of what I was taught compared to where my natural desires laid. I was able to create a lifestyle that I preferred. Most of my dating when I am single occurs from dating apps and meeting others such as friends of friends. There is some pressure where some friends often ask me about my dating life and try and set me up with their friends. Poor boundaries have been another experience, sometimes when your sexual and gender identity are not part of the majority culture this opens the door for people to be curious and ask a lot of questions.

(See the podcast link HERE for more on this topic, and share the blog and podcast links below with anyone you think may enjoy these topics).

BLOG: https://tomboyofficial.blogspot.com/

PODCAST: https://anchor.fm/tomboyofficial

San Diego Homesick

Creating and Ideal Lifestyle

Prompted by a deep interpretation of a dream (LISTEN HERE) I have come to the awareness that I am missing San Diego and homesick. My San Diego lifestyle includes a diverse easy-going nice crew of friends who believe in creating and maintaining safe space, avoiding judgements, gossip, and toxicity. Nobody is perfect, myself included. We all do and will make mistakes, but being in circumstances where there is not a deep rooted history of toxic habits, abuse and judgement has created an experience of being able to heal and chill.

Lifestyle of LGBTQ+ Friends and Allies

I am able to primarily live a relatively safe and open queer lifestyle in San Diego. I mention this as I sit in Los Angeles writing this post, strategically choosing a temporarily dim light gray font color for the above heading so the big bold black type blends more subtly into the white page’s background as my family walks around in the living room where I am chilling on the couch typing. No one will kick me out. No one will physically injure me. But I know that I am amongst people who just do not understand. They do not know what to say even if they see at title heading with “LGBTQ+” in it. They may ask questions, but they are not too interested in challenging their traditional beliefs. They know what they already believe about how a Christian should live their life. And absorbing and creating content, let alone living a lifestyle involving LGBTQ+ events, friends, people and social environments is not a part of a world they are trying to actively integrate.

I am scrolling around on my YouTube channel speedily to pass by any queer content in my history or recommendations as I search for a musical playlist in my attempt to remove my headphones and appear as if I am no ignoring everybody.

Healthy and safe living environments

Healthy environments do not expose a person to illness, symptoms, problems, and chaos. Thinking about health, this means a person has a balanced feel of their physical body, emotions and mental clarity. Health can be felt, and experiences in unhealthy environments can also be felt.

Safe living environments do not expose a person to physical, mental and emotional risks. A setting is safe if there is limited dangerous possibilities. Danger does not always require police action or guns, danger and toxic environments can include the disruption to aspects of health that a can feel. We can feel if our brain is foggy, fatigued, headaches, lack of motivation, sadness and anxiety, we notice these. And in a healthy and safe environment the setting itself will not commonly lead to negative experiences.

Missing my friends

I definitely miss my San Diego crew of friends. I notice this by how often I don't make plans with my local LA friends and how often I still make plans and interact in San Diego or even in LA with friends from San Diego. Between the kick backs, beach days, park hangs, gay bars and clubs, parties, festivals and concerts. And sometimes a quiet dinner or poolside afternoon, we thrive. My most local LA friends are majority the people I am not often making plans with. They tend to want to meet to have someone available at their family events. I do not have an interest in being exposed to the unhealthy, unsafe and toxic social environments hosted by a conservative religion.

Personal experiences interacting with childhood friends

Lately I am interacting with childhood friends and my local family in LA. I do not get the sense that I can fully be myself. I try not to take up too much space and feel like I tip toe around on egg shells. I have avoided multiple invites. To me this maintains my health and safety. I do not find myself sitting up at night thinking on who said what in which manner and why. 

My Queer Dreams (Amusement Park Crush) episode: https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/eoN5J8tqMtb

BLOG: https://tomboyofficial.blogspot.com/

PODCAST: https://anchor.fm/tomboyofficial