San Diego Homesick

Creating and Ideal Lifestyle

Prompted by a deep interpretation of a dream (LISTEN HERE) I have come to the awareness that I am missing San Diego and homesick. My San Diego lifestyle includes a diverse easy-going nice crew of friends who believe in creating and maintaining safe space, avoiding judgements, gossip, and toxicity. Nobody is perfect, myself included. We all do and will make mistakes, but being in circumstances where there is not a deep rooted history of toxic habits, abuse and judgement has created an experience of being able to heal and chill.

Lifestyle of LGBTQ+ Friends and Allies

I am able to primarily live a relatively safe and open queer lifestyle in San Diego. I mention this as I sit in Los Angeles writing this post, strategically choosing a temporarily dim light gray font color for the above heading so the big bold black type blends more subtly into the white page’s background as my family walks around in the living room where I am chilling on the couch typing. No one will kick me out. No one will physically injure me. But I know that I am amongst people who just do not understand. They do not know what to say even if they see at title heading with “LGBTQ+” in it. They may ask questions, but they are not too interested in challenging their traditional beliefs. They know what they already believe about how a Christian should live their life. And absorbing and creating content, let alone living a lifestyle involving LGBTQ+ events, friends, people and social environments is not a part of a world they are trying to actively integrate.

I am scrolling around on my YouTube channel speedily to pass by any queer content in my history or recommendations as I search for a musical playlist in my attempt to remove my headphones and appear as if I am no ignoring everybody.

Healthy and safe living environments

Healthy environments do not expose a person to illness, symptoms, problems, and chaos. Thinking about health, this means a person has a balanced feel of their physical body, emotions and mental clarity. Health can be felt, and experiences in unhealthy environments can also be felt.

Safe living environments do not expose a person to physical, mental and emotional risks. A setting is safe if there is limited dangerous possibilities. Danger does not always require police action or guns, danger and toxic environments can include the disruption to aspects of health that a can feel. We can feel if our brain is foggy, fatigued, headaches, lack of motivation, sadness and anxiety, we notice these. And in a healthy and safe environment the setting itself will not commonly lead to negative experiences.

Missing my friends

I definitely miss my San Diego crew of friends. I notice this by how often I don't make plans with my local LA friends and how often I still make plans and interact in San Diego or even in LA with friends from San Diego. Between the kick backs, beach days, park hangs, gay bars and clubs, parties, festivals and concerts. And sometimes a quiet dinner or poolside afternoon, we thrive. My most local LA friends are majority the people I am not often making plans with. They tend to want to meet to have someone available at their family events. I do not have an interest in being exposed to the unhealthy, unsafe and toxic social environments hosted by a conservative religion.

Personal experiences interacting with childhood friends

Lately I am interacting with childhood friends and my local family in LA. I do not get the sense that I can fully be myself. I try not to take up too much space and feel like I tip toe around on egg shells. I have avoided multiple invites. To me this maintains my health and safety. I do not find myself sitting up at night thinking on who said what in which manner and why. 

My Queer Dreams (Amusement Park Crush) episode: https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/eoN5J8tqMtb

BLOG: https://tomboyofficial.blogspot.com/

PODCAST: https://anchor.fm/tomboyofficial