Baby Gays, Coming Out and LGBTQ+ Culture (tips, views, and personal experiences)

New, Brand New

Baby gays, welcome!

Everybody starts somewhere, but first things first, make sure you are safe. Part of the process of coming out is going through a baby gay phase. Baby gays are usually self-identified LGBT people who are part of the community but are relatively new to the culture of things. It can be a time of joy, excitement, fear, and confusion all wrapped into one bundle. But hang in there, you eventually will start to feel more connected to who you are in body, mind and soul. 

Coming Out

There is some controversy surrounding the term "coming out." Movies often portray this for the LGBT community, but straight cis people are not told that they are "coming out" when somebody finds out that Suzy like Bobby. 

Majority and Minority

Coming out is a majority culture process placed on our minority culture to show that our processes with our sexuality or gender identification is not the same as those in the straight world. Think back to youth. When you first realized you had a crush. And think of all the crushes of the kids you knew in youth.

 You will notice that the ones who were cis and straight were never really questions (not unless somebody was curious about if the person was in fact cis or straight). Cis straight people do not have to come out. 

Their identities are assumed. And when they meet the stereotypical norms and are not questioned they just go with the flow of what society expects at different time frames in life. They can date, crush, engage, wed, and divorce without too many glances. 

But we all know what that world looks like. Our world is often far more complex. As we change through the phases in life we change classes, teachers, schools, bosses, jobs, professions and along the way meet new friends and neighbors. The whole while there are often new people in our lives who are unaware of our non cis and non straight identities. 

But why is it that we have to be the ones to be put on the spot? Nothing is predictable. Stereotypes are not the full picture, they do not sum up a person and they are not able to predict results. Just because a person looks, acts, dresses, or seems a certain way does not mean that is how they identify. And identities can also be fluid over a lifetime. That is very normal. 

Ultimately at times it seems it should not matter who we crush on, who we fantasize about, how masc or femme we feel or present, at the end of the day we are all human beings in this world and we all want the same happiness without the hassle of social stressors. 

Questions

What tips would you give to a person who is questioning their sexuality or their gender? How do you identify now and when did you fully notice? When were you completely oblivious? When did you begin to notice your authentic self?

PODCAST

For more about baby gays, coming out and LGBT culture, check out the podcast. There are 2 episodes, one on tips and viewpoints HERE and another about some of my own personal experiences HERE.

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Gender and how to learn about and address identities (differentiating sex and sexuality)

Gender

Gender is a complex topic for those who prefer identity labels for their own personal pronouns and for those who require knowledge of pronouns of others. 

Gender is not complex for those who do not prefer or care for labels. Why use pronouns? Why label ourselves at all? 

Demographic details can tell us a lot about a person's history, potential struggles, and can overall keep life interesting. On the other hand, labels can be limiting and can lead to prejudices, discrimination, microaggressions, and exclusion. 

Sex

Gender and sex are different. And gender and sexuality are different. A person can be born a male or female based on their genitals, and they can also be born intersex. The sex of a person may or may not predict their gender identity. A person who identifies as cis, male, female, non-confirming, trans, non-binary, or another gender may be born of any sex.

Sexuality

Gender and sexuality are different. Sexuality is an identity that is based on attraction. LGBTQIA+, heterosexual, non-sexual, etc. are all based on attraction or lack of attraction to a specific type or multiple types of gender identity.

What are some common experiences that you have with gender in your own life?

Podcast

Check out this Gender episode of the Tomboy Official Podcast link HERE! https://anchor.fm/tomboyofficial/episodes/Gender-eg165c

Check out the Tomboy Official Podcast on the following platforms. Engage by subscribing, sharing, and dropping a line!

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Attachment Styles and Desires in a Relationship (anxious, avoidant, and secure attachment)

Attachment Styles and Desires 

Addressing desires in a relationship can be scary and challenging. But why? What makes it scary? Where are the challenges coming from? And how can we become more and more comfortable to address these challenges?

Needs and Values

I say this a lot, but most of us want certain things in a relationship related to our needs and our values and we can identify exactly what those things are, but there can be hang ups decreasing the comfort of getting there. 

If we have all of these things we will feel very secure and fulfilled. While we might have an understanding of what we want or need to feel the best, we may have other aspects of ourselves that are very protective in the means by which we try addressing what we want.

If I lack something that was previously denied me in my childhood, I will likely become insecure if I believe there is a likelihood of those denials coming up during a relationship. We usually try and avoid being denied.

Are you able to identify any insecurity patterns arising in your family, friend, professional, casual or romantic relationships? What comes easiest for you? And do you know how to manage the challenges? For more expansion on this topic visit the podcast!

Podcast

Check out the podcast HERE! https://anchor.fm/tomboyofficial/episodes/Attachment-Styles-and-Desires-in-a-Relationship-e1fntjk

Check out the podcast on one of these platforms for more supplemental material on this topic:

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Education and Millennial Money

Personal is a topic that many people are not taught. When I was in school we learned how to write checks and before my teens I learned from my family how to balance a checkbook and how to deposit and withdraw money from a bank. I remember when ATMs were not available in every store. And debit cards were not taken at every store.

As Millennials (myself as an Elder Millennial) we have faced multiple recessions, impacts on our education, the job market, and opportunities. I am not saying that we have had it better or worse, but we face a different world. This forces us to have mindsets where we are able to create our own jobs by solving problems that don't serve.

Check out this Education and Millennial Money episode of the Tomboy Official Podcast link HERE! https://anchor.fm/tomboyofficial/episodes/Education-and-Millennial-Money-e1esq22

Check out the Tomboy Official Podcast on the following platforms. Engage by subscribing, sharing, and dropping a line!

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